Alphabet decries Temple T celebrity
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It may be the star of a multi-million dollar fundraising campaign, but the Temple ‘T’ is facing attack – what it says is jealousy – from the rest of the alphabet.
“You know, I don’t see what’s so special about the T. Just because it has a bunch of fancy lines around it, doesn’t mean that it deserves all the praise,” ‘E’ said to a reporter. “Ok, so it starts off the word ‘Temple,’ but I come next. And, I’m in there twice. Twice! But I don’t get any recognition. No one accentuates me on T-shirts and billboards and Cherry & White lingerie.”
Temple T
The Temple T, a stylistic rendering of the normal ‘T’ created in the 1980s by a Tyler School of Art student said he deserves all the attention.
“Well, I think I really stand for everything that Temple stands for,” Temple T said. “I’m sturdy, innovative and I double as a simple maze for children. I don’t see what everyone’s fuss is all about. I just make words look good.”
The rest of the alphabet clearly disagrees. In fact, the remaining letters in Temple have formed Enough Moronic Placement of Letters, Extraneous, or EMPLE, to protest the Temple T’s celebrated placement in Temple University apparel and advertising.
“We work just as hard as he does, but somehow no one cares,” ‘V’ said. “I’m not a common letter, I’m really not, but I show up in ‘university’ every time. Without complaining. But I don’t get a stylistic rendering, or any kind of special consideration. It’s discrimination, is what it is.”
A rally was held on Liacouras Walk yesterday to protest Temple T. It remained peaceful until A, N, R, C, H and Y began burning motivational posters that featured Temple T. Temple Police used tear gas and batons to disperse the unruly crowd, arresting C, R, I, M, N, A and L.
“I’m concerned for my safety, I really am,” Temple T said. “I have to stand right next to ‘A’ for the ‘Innovation’ poster, and he was one of the first to start burning signs. I think he’s just miffed because he usually gets so much attention, being first in the alphabet.”
Temple officials said they have no intention of spreading the exposure around to other letters any time soon. “We understand EMPLE’s concern, but there simply isn’t room or time to give each letter the stylistic rendering or special placement we give Temple T,” said Humphrey Twiddlethumbs, Senior VP of Alphabet Relations.
EMPLE said they would go on strike to protest what they believe is discrimination. E has already begun withholding his services to some news agencies as a warning to Temple.
“S how you lik that, wh n you don’t hav any ‘ ‘s. Lif isn’t so asy now, is it, you ungrat ful j rks. Your s nt nc s ar path tic now,” h said.
